Song of the week

Do you ever feel like everything is crashing around you and there's nothing you can do about it? You fight battle after battle, most of which are not even your own, and you just can't seem to win? Thus is my life these days.

It can be overwhelming - health battles, relational battles, work battles, emotional battles, financial battles. This world really is a war. It affects me to my very core. It affects my every move. Why you ask? Well, because, if you didn't realize..I happen to be female. I truly believe we are 100% different than men in the way we deal with life. At least Grant and I are 100% different there. Guys can compartmentalize. Guys can react rationally to a problem at hand. Me? I am an emotional being. I carry all these worries and emotions and take on everything as if it's my own problem to fix...from my own issues, to patients in my hospital, to issues in my family, and issues that are Grant's. And when I can't fix them all....I get even more emotional. (I still maintain that part is not my fault. I cry at the drop of a hat because my mother does!) So what have I been like the last few weeks you ask? SUPER EMOTIONAL!

When I get emotional, I also get kinda "emo". Like every song has meaning and all lyrics are speaking to what I'm feeling. My favorite thing to do when I'm sad is sit alone and listen to music. There have been a few songs I can't get away from lately.

IT'S TIME - IMAGINE DRAGONS

So this is what you meant?  When you said that you were spent.

And now it’s time to build from the bottom of the pit right to the top,

Don’t hold back

Packing my bags and giving the academy a rain-check

I don’t ever want to let you down

I don’t ever want to leave this town

‘cause after all

This city never sleeps at night...

It’s time to begin, isn’t it, I get a little bit

Bigger, but then, I’ll admit, I’m just the same as I was

now don’t you understand

That I’m never changing who I am.

So this is where you fell,

and I am left to sell the path that heaven runs through miles of clouded hell, right to the top - don't look back

Turning to rags and give the commodities a rain-check

I don’t ever want to let you down

I don’t ever want to  leave this town

‘cause after all

This city never sleeps at night...

It’s time to begin, isn’t it, I get a little bit

Bigger, but then, I'll admit, I'm just the same as I was

now don’t you understand

That I’m never changing who I am

This road never looked so lonely,

This house doesn’t burn down slowly,

To ashes, To ashes

It’s time to begin, isn’t it, i get a little bit

Bigger, but then, I’ll admit, I’m just the same as i was

now don’t you understand

That I’m never changing who i am

SONG FOR YOU - ALEXI MURDOCH

So today I wrote a song for you
Cause a day can get so long
And I know its hard to make it through
When you say theres something wrong

So Im trying to put it right
Cause I want to love you with my heart
All this trying has made me tight
And I dont know even where to start

Maybe thats a start

Cause you know its a simple game
That you play filling up your head with rain
And you know you are hiding from your pain
In the way, in the way you say your name

And I see you
Hiding your face in your hands
Flying so you wont land
You think no one understands
No one understands

So you hunch your shoulders and you shake your head
And your throat is aching but you swear
No one hurts you, nothing could be sad
Anyway youre not here enough to care

And youre so tired you dont sleep at night
As your heart is trying to mend
You keep it quiet but you think you might
Disappear before the end

And its strange that you cannot find
Any strength to even try
To find a voice to speak your mind
When you do, all you wanna do is cry

Well maybe you should cry

And I see you hiding your face in your hands
Talking bout far-away lands
You think no one understands
Listen to my hands

And all of this life
Moves around you
For all that you claim
Youre standing still
You are moving too
You are moving too
You are moving too
I will move you 

I love music. It brings out feelings I don't expose otherwise. But it doesn't make my battles go away.

I also love our church. It is so different than anything I've been a part of. Maybe because it's a church in a very different culture. Church in Denver is so different than church in Texas. Maybe because it's small and a more family feel. Whatever the reason, God has put us at Park Church in the perfect timing. We have been going through Hebrews and I love what I'm learning. God is telling me "Hey you! I'm here! This is all for my glory!" with every sermon. 

A few weeks ago it was with Hebrews 12:3 - "Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart". And 12:7 - Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son was not disciplined by his father?" And 12:12-13 - "Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet so that you may not be disabled".

Then the next week, Hebrews 12:14 - Make every effort to live in peace with all men and be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord".

And finally, this week. Hebrews 13:5 - "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' So we say with confidence 'The Lord is my helper! I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'".

So what am I trying to say? I'm saying that I so often forget that in the midst of all the gunfire of life, there is someone so much greater than me in control of it all. Someone who wants to fight my battles with me. Fight them for me. And sometimes, he even puts me smack in the middle of the battlefield to strengthen me. So while things might be overwhelming and hard, "He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted" - Job 5:9. And I'm choosing to trust that. And trust that he is the greatest warrior known. Bring on the battles.

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Since I'm still catching up on blogs from the entire winter, I thought I should share what we have been dealing with here - ACTUAL WINTER WEATHER! I must say, the snow has been a challenge to get used to, but it's really growing on me. Denver snow is perfect becomes it comes so frequently, but goes away just as fast.

The upside to snow? There's a whole new world of activities to do! Of course skiing....which we frequent often....

But there's also all sorts of other winter sports I never really thought about. Like cross country skiing, which we took my fam to do when they came to town....Meme particularly enjoyed that I think. :)

And our favorite snow sport. Snow shoeing! It's basically hiking in snow. But the scenery is always beautiful, anyone can do it, and my favorite...you aren't freezing because you are getting a workout! We have gone many times since moving here to many different places and taken others as well! I think it's our favorite winter pastime!

In Vail with the Martins

In Estes Park with the hubby

Echo Lake with the Usrys

Echo Lake

And then of course, every day events are always more fun in snow as well. Like taking Sager to the park...

Or going on a walk....

Unfortunately, not all things are fun when it comes to snow. It is in fact, COLD when it snows! I'm getting used to that, but I am not getting used to the 5 million layers of clothes I'm required to put on just to go to the car, or to get the mail, or to walk to work. It feels pretty funny to wear scrubs with huge waterproof boots and my ski coat every day.

The other thing I'm not fond of...shoveling snow. It's a law in Denver to shovel your sidewalks. You have 24 hours to clear them after snow falls or a 85 dollar ticket is coming your way. I must admit, I usually leave this task to Grant, so I probably have no room to complain...but it's a pain. Nevertheless, even that we are becoming pros at. Grant has it down to an art. He can usually shovel our sidewalks and our elderly neighbor's house in about 20 minutes flat!

The other thing I'm not fond of...driving in snow. Not driving actually. It's more commonly a parking issue for me. We have spent many a time since winter came scraping, shoveling, pushing, reversing, rev'ing, and begging my car to move as it has gotten stubbornly stuck in a pile of snow. I have gotten stuck in front of our house, behind our house, in our alleyway, and at restaurants in the few winter months we have experienced here. My CX7 just can't handle the snow. Lesson to be learned? If you move to Colorado, make sure you have snow tires and four wheel drive - neither of which I have.

So snow is an experience. And it can be a pain. But the truth is? Snow is beautiful. And every time we get it, we really are walking in a winter wonderland!

One Year in Denver

I have really been slacking on blogging lately. Not for lack of things to say, but for lack of time and effort to say them! I've even had family and friends ask me where the blog has been and encourage me to keep writing. And still, I haven't been able to keep it up well since all the craziness of school in the fall. But today marks the one year anniversary of Grant and my move to Denver. So I am going to attempt to revive the blogging in honor of that!

This time last year, we were driving the huge Penske full of everything we owned up the 750 mile trek to Colorado to start a new adventure together. Let me tell you, I had a lot of hopes and visions for what this move would be like, for what Colorado would be like, and for what our lives would be here. But looking back over the last 12 months, I couldn't have known all that this year would hold. Good and bad. It has stretched me out of my comfort zone in every way and been a constant state of change. If you know me well, you know I'm not good with change. I'm one of those very disciplined, very structured, must be on top of things and feel in control at all times personalities. Type A throughout. So change? Not usually something I enjoy being in my vocabulary. And in the last 12 months, I have changed locations, changed climates, changed cultures, changed church communities twice, changed careers, changed, changed, changed. Everything that we thought this would be has proved to be something else and everything that would lead me to feel out of control, God has placed in our lives. 

For example:

Our plan: Our primary focus for moving to Denver was to be of help and support to Watermark Denver in any way we could. 

God's plan: Watermark Denver unexpectedly and very suddenly closed its doors in June, forcing us to start all over and find a new church community that we eventually found in Park Church.

Our plan: Grant and I moved here with the intention that he would work as a local sales rep for the Denver area, selling office supplies and furniture to local businesses.

God's plan: In August, Grant was asked to take a different position within his company, in which he had to travel 5 days a week to Milwaukee, Wisconsin for 3 months straight (which he did from September until December) and he continues to travel outside the state about twice monthly now.  

Our plan: Grant and I moved here with the intention that I would work as an RN in the GI department at Children's Hospital Colorado. 

God's plan: I quickly realized that wasn't for me, applied and was accepted into a WOCN program, completed 12 hours towards a masters degree and 150 clinical hours, took my board exams and accepted a position in September as the Certified Wound, Ostomy, Continence nurse (CWOCN) for the inpatient units at Children's. 

Our plan: When G and I moved, we immediately felt a love and connection to our neighborhood, becoming great friends with our neighbors and feeling like the Lord placed them in our lives to grow and develop as our closest friends here.  

God's plan: Our neighbors recently accepted a job in Washington D.C. and are moving there in a few weeks. 

Moral of the story? Don't have plans! Or at least have the understanding that they may not go as planned! Things are not what we thought they would be. But the funny thing is, we still LOVE being here and KNOW it's where we are supposed to be. There has been a lot of change. WAY more change than I ever thought I could handle and guess what? I am still alive! 

What have I learned from all this? Perhaps God's purpose in bringing us here was not just so we could be a light in a less churched culture, not just so we could have new adventures in the great outdoors, but maybe, just maybe, it was so we could work on us. In this one year, I have grown more and learned more about myself than I have in a long time. I have affirmed what I believe and who I believe in and proven to myself I can do things (through Christ) that I didn't think I could. So...although I still don't love change, I know that being here is right. And I feel an inherent peace within me that I never felt in Dallas. So...maybe change is good. Even when it doesn't seem to be. Maybe God's plan is better than mine! And maybe Colorado is meant to be. Even if it's not what we thought it would be.

One year ago....

One week ago....

 Here's to year number two!

Denver is Bi-Polar

I was reminded this week that I live in Colorado. I almost forgot. In Colorado, weather is unpredictable. People literally say if you don't like the weather here...wait 10 minutes. It will change. And it's so true! One minute it's 60 and sunny and the next...not so much.

With that - I bring you SNOW! We got our first snow on Wednesday (Oct. 26th). 10-12 inches of snow. Bigger than any snow we saw last spring! Which makes me a bit antsy and also excited about the upcoming winter! But remember...Denver is bipolar so who knows what the winter will really look like. Seriously, 48 hours after this winter wonderland arrived, it was gone again. Perfect combination for a cold natured girl like me!! Get enough snow to enjoy a real winter, but know that it won't stay!

As I was leaving for work, we probably had about 5-6 inches going already.
By lunch time? This was the view from the cafeteria at Childrens...

This is what my backyard looked like when I got home from work. 

Downside of living where it snows a lot....you still have to go to work when it snows. 

The upside? Work is absolutely breathtakingly beautiful when it snows.

Sage was excited to see her first snow of the season also!

I got my stylish pup all dressed in her coat and snow shoes ready to play! She did donuts in the back yard for half an hour straight. It was hilarious.

This is the first time she's worn her "shoes" without pulling them off!

And what else did I learn about snow in Colorado? It's a great tree limb trimmer! Who needs to pay a human to trim the branches of our 100 year old tree when the snow will do it for us?

Here's one of the TWO huge branches that fell in our front yard! 

Thankfully, the branch decided to fall during work hours while Austin and his rental car were no longer parked in front or he'd have one very crushed car! 

Thanks to Jason for moving these huge branches for me! Hooray for more firewood!

And for more good news? I didn't die and/or kill anyone else as a Texan driving in the snow! 

Success all around!

The good thing about snow here....it melts. :) By Thursday afternoon there was nothing white in sight. And Saturday it was back into the 60s. But there's something about Wednesdays I suppose....because today, as I write this post about last week's snow...we have round two on our hands.

 7 inches this time and a very nasty commute!

Crazy weather around here! And so far...I'm loving it!

Estes with the Usrys

The Usrys came back for more! You just can't get enough of Colorado right? What they didn't know they were in for was SNOW! Wayne, Carin, and Goggy (Grant's Grandmother) came in town for the weekend a few weeks ago to visit Estes Park. We rented a cabin at the YMCA of the Rockies and had grand plans to enjoy leisurely hikes in and the outdoor activities there.....and then the snow came.

Saturday in Denver it was 50 and raining. And as we made the hour drive to Estes, the rain become snow! It was the first snow of the season up there! Not what we planned for the weekend but we still had a great time! We drove through the National Park, saw the Elk and stopped to take pics and enjoy all the beautiful viewpoints. We shopped downtown and sat in a cute bookstore/coffee shop enjoying coffee and hot chocolate. Instead of short sleeves and the great outdoors, we enjoyed winter wear and the great big fireplace at the YMCA resort. And Sunday, we visited the Stanley Hotel - home of lots of history and also where they filmed parts of Dumb and Dumber and all of The Shining. It reminded me so much of our wedding and the "haunted hotels" in Eureka Springs! We didn't do the ghost tour, but of course they had one there!

Sunday night we headed back to Denver, which was simply wet and not near as cool. Church, dinner, and hangouts with our dear friends across the street, and then the Usrys were back on a plane Monday morning. What a great quick trip to Estes and a great example of Colorado's VERY unpredictable weather!!

Walking with the Elk

Stanley Hotel 

with the Gog

YMCA of the Rockies!

Woo Pig!!

We have been busy! Grant is traveling full force - usually Monday through Thursdays every week. I have been spending my spare time without him studying for my certification exams and trying to get established in my new job. I LOVE my job already by the way! As weird as it is, I think I was meant to be a Wound and Ostomy nurse! My boss is great, everyone is so supportive, and in a few weeks, I will be all set up to take consults, change dressings and wound vacs, and do ostomy teaching for a living!

Although work has been busy getting the WOCN program going at Children's Colorado and Grant has been more than busy traveling back and forth and working 24/7 in Milwaukee, we absolutely made flying down to Dallas for the Arkansas/A&M game a MUST DO! Grant and I have a big rivalry invested in this game. Since he is an Aggie and I'm a Razorback, we have gone to the game every year since they made the 10 year contract with Jerryworld. And we don't plan on missing one now just because we live in Colorado! So glad we got to do this again with my favorite friends! We've gone to the game with the same people every year as well, which makes it all the more special. Fortunately for me, we alternate years sitting on either Arkansas or A&M's side and this year it was Hog country's turn!

2009: Arkansas Victory!

2010: Hog Victory Number 2!

And this year....I do believe we've won again!

I must admit, I was a tad worried this year (for the first time) since A&M had played so well against OSU the week before. But the worry was in vain. Halfway through the third quarter, my mind was at ease. Not sure I can say the same for Scott, who was pacing up and down the stairs and disappearing frequently to be relieved from his angst. I can't say it was the prettiest game, but Arkansas was victorious again - third year in a row! And what did this mean for the Martin/Usry rivalry? The first year it meant a hog nose out of the stadium worn by my redheaded Aggie. The second year, a gourmet dinner cooked for Andrea and I by Nate and G. This year? My favorite I think. Grant had to wear an Arkansas shirt on the plane ride home. Oh the joy when multiple people stopped him in the airport and on the plane to congratulate him on "his win". I LOVED IT! 

Here's some pics from our perfect day with the perfect crew!

And just listen to the beautiful sound of victory - heard as we were leaving the game (over and over I might add!)

WOOOOOOO PIG SOOOIEE!!!!

Martin's come to town!

So I am WAY behind on blogging. I am getting terrible at this! Someone reminded me the other day that it's been forever and there have been several events I've missed. Guess finishing school and starting a new job have done me in. BUT NOT TO WORRY! Today will be catch up blog day! :) It's a lot easier to do when your hubby works in Milwaukee so I'm sitting down and letting everyone in on updates in Colorado!

My parents and "baby" brother came to town a few weeks ago! Their first time in Denver and to see our place and our life! I must say...I was a little surprised to find they didn't fall in love with Denver right away and announce that they are moving up immediately (there might have been tears in a conversation with Grant regarding this right after my parents left) As silly as that sounds, I was hoping it would happen. It would make our life perfect here if I could get some family to move up. BUT - I'm still hopeful that this announcement could still occur at some point regarding Vail. The mountains and river can be pretty addicting and they loved the time there!

It's sometimes hard to appreciate the hippieness/artsy/eclectic group of people that surround downtown Denver. We showed the fam around our neighborhood - took them to our favorite breakfast spot on Tennyson Street and walked the shops nearby. What did us in in the first impression department was HiLo and Downtown. I think the trip to Little Man ice cream was appreciated, but the man walking around with a giant live snake around his neck and an American Flag on his shirt may have been a bit much. Downtown is full of cool stores, buildings and architecture, all appreciated by the folks. But, the homeless people frequenting the area may have dampered the atmosphere somewhat, as well as the live music everywhere on street corners and the multiple types of people seen in either dreadlocks, with multiple piercings, hippy clothing, or what have you. Probably somewhat of a culture shock from the south. What's funny is, it's an environment I'm growing to love. An open mission field full of tons of people searching for something and finding all sorts of ways to fill the void. A city full of authenticity. Whether that be an authentic dreadlocked, pot smoker, an authentic emo styled artist, an authentic family who might not do family like the south does. These people are real. And proud of it. No climbing the corporate ladder, no designer clothes, no stiletto heels in the grocery store, no materialism. People work so they can play and play hard. Although writing this blog about time with my family makes me miss being home, I also am more confident every time I think about Denver that Denver is where Grant and I are supposed to be.

OK - got off on a soap box tangent there. So Denver proper may not have been my mother's favorite place, but there's still hope in them moving here if you ask me! Cuz we had a blast in the mountains! On Friday we headed up to Vail for the weekend. Dad of course immediately headed off to fish. We stayed at a Marriot resort in West Vail right on the river, which was gorgeous and the weather was perfect for just sitting out and enjoying the mountain air. Saturday, Jonathan, mom and I headed over to Lionhead and Vail Village to explore while Grant and Dad hit up the fly fishing again! Those boys could fish for days....and did! In Lionhead, we stumbled upon Octoberfest! So we got to hit up all the vendor tents, enjoy live polka music and dancers, and snack on German delicacies. We then decided to go on a hike. If you know my mother, you know she's not exactly a hiker. It was hilarious and fun! We decided that heading back to the car to put up our purses and shopping bag was a hike of it's own so on we went, up cherry picker trail (a nice easy hike per the man at the directory, who is still laughing to this day about the fact that we believed him on that).

If you weren't aware, Vail's hiking trails are the ski hills converted. This means we were hiking up steep inclines at 11,000 feet. Altitude can be a shocker compared to Texas air. It still gets to me and I've been here 8 months! So about an hour in of still hiking the "short little incline" per the little man who advised us to take this trail, we were slightly delirious from altitude and very tired of climbing only up. After looking at the map, Jonathan and I decided we would take a shortcut by walking part of the mountain biking trail to cut across and catch back up on Cherry Picker. That was a joke! We ended up lost, hiking our own little trail and probably walking farther than we would have originally. But they were troopers and we made it down one way or another! It was definitely one of my favorite hikes in Colorado yet. Laughing all the way!

Time in Vail was so fun and too short. The guys fished like crazy on Gold medal waters and had a great time, and I so loved being outdoorsy with my not so outdoorsy fam. Makes it so much more fun than hard core outdoorsmen. :) I can't wait for them to come again in November and bring Meme and hopefully Jay and Danita too! Maybe we can snow shoe hike that trip....now that will be a sight to see!

First day in Vail. 

Cherry Picker Trail here we come!

Up high already and looking good! 

We were oblivious at this point at how far up we still had to go!

This is about the point we decided to find a shortcut!

Not exactly on the trail anymore....

And...we are definitely lost in the mountains.

We made it back down back to Octoberfest!

Polka dancers. Who knew we'd see that in Vail?!

The river by our hotel. We were killing time before dinner because Grant and dad were STILL fishing!

Love my fam and miss them tons.