Music Sings to my Soul

It's been a rough couple of months for the Martins. With trials, tornadoes, and torment. And a very rough month for the Usrys. With losses of loved ones. And a huge struggle for Grant and I to be here, helpless in Denver amidst it all, traveling back and forth the best we can on a very limited budget. I sometimes feel stuck in the middle of all these emotions. Emotions about life, about jobs, about Denver, about family, about illness.  Lately I find myself treading water often, trying desperately not to drown.


I find God has always spoken to me best through song. I feel him the most in music, whether it be instrumental, Christian, or secular. He speaks to my soul through the lyrics, sometimes even more than through His word. Here's some lyrics that have been good to me this week, and some pleasant reminders that we don't have to swim alone.


STORM
How long have I
been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form.
Water's getting harder to tread
with these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see You
everything will be alright
If I'd see You
the storminess will turn to light

and I will walk on water
and You will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
and everything will be alright

I know you didn't
bring me out here to drown
so why am I 10 feet under and upside down?
Barely surviving has become my purpose
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface.

If I could just see you
everything will be alright
If I see you
the storminess will turn to light

and I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright 

I know everything is alright
Everything's alright 
-Lifehouse




AFTER THE STORM
And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, No I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we live for.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.

I will die alone and be left there.
Well I guess I'll just go home,
And God knows where.
Because death is just so full and mine so small.
I'm scared of what's behind and what's before.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

-Mumford and Sons


IT IS WELL
When peace like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
What ever my lot you have taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul

Though the devil will ruin, though trials may come
Let this blessed assurance control
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate
And He shed His own blood for my soul

It is well, with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought
My sin not in part but the whole
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul

It is well, with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

And Lord haste the day when my faith shall be sight
And the clouds be rolled back as a scroll
The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend
Even so, it is well with my soul


It's been awhile since I've experienced death. Now that I live in Denver and work outpatient I don't see it regularly. In my job at Children's Dallas, I experienced it first hand too many times in children way too young. It's difficult to watch. Difficult to experience. Full of struggle and pain. Something you never forget if you've seen it. But one thing I must say about death. Every time I've witnessed a patient or loved one take their last breath, it's a firm reminder that the afterlife is real. That there is more than this cruel, unfair, messy world. When you see a person pass away, you see their body become instantly just a vessel. The spirit within it is gone. It becomes instantly cold, stiff, colorless. Spiritless. And I am reminded of Jesus' words so long ago:


"Truly Truly I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come to judgement. He has passed out of death into life." -John 5:24


Witnessing death on yesterday was witnessing a passing into life. Butch is rejoicing with angels right now. And we rejoice with him.