Song of the week

Do you ever feel like everything is crashing around you and there's nothing you can do about it? You fight battle after battle, most of which are not even your own, and you just can't seem to win? Thus is my life these days.

It can be overwhelming - health battles, relational battles, work battles, emotional battles, financial battles. This world really is a war. It affects me to my very core. It affects my every move. Why you ask? Well, because, if you didn't realize..I happen to be female. I truly believe we are 100% different than men in the way we deal with life. At least Grant and I are 100% different there. Guys can compartmentalize. Guys can react rationally to a problem at hand. Me? I am an emotional being. I carry all these worries and emotions and take on everything as if it's my own problem to fix...from my own issues, to patients in my hospital, to issues in my family, and issues that are Grant's. And when I can't fix them all....I get even more emotional. (I still maintain that part is not my fault. I cry at the drop of a hat because my mother does!) So what have I been like the last few weeks you ask? SUPER EMOTIONAL!

When I get emotional, I also get kinda "emo". Like every song has meaning and all lyrics are speaking to what I'm feeling. My favorite thing to do when I'm sad is sit alone and listen to music. There have been a few songs I can't get away from lately.

IT'S TIME - IMAGINE DRAGONS

So this is what you meant?  When you said that you were spent.

And now it’s time to build from the bottom of the pit right to the top,

Don’t hold back

Packing my bags and giving the academy a rain-check

I don’t ever want to let you down

I don’t ever want to leave this town

‘cause after all

This city never sleeps at night...

It’s time to begin, isn’t it, I get a little bit

Bigger, but then, I’ll admit, I’m just the same as I was

now don’t you understand

That I’m never changing who I am.

So this is where you fell,

and I am left to sell the path that heaven runs through miles of clouded hell, right to the top - don't look back

Turning to rags and give the commodities a rain-check

I don’t ever want to let you down

I don’t ever want to  leave this town

‘cause after all

This city never sleeps at night...

It’s time to begin, isn’t it, I get a little bit

Bigger, but then, I'll admit, I'm just the same as I was

now don’t you understand

That I’m never changing who I am

This road never looked so lonely,

This house doesn’t burn down slowly,

To ashes, To ashes

It’s time to begin, isn’t it, i get a little bit

Bigger, but then, I’ll admit, I’m just the same as i was

now don’t you understand

That I’m never changing who i am

SONG FOR YOU - ALEXI MURDOCH

So today I wrote a song for you
Cause a day can get so long
And I know its hard to make it through
When you say theres something wrong

So Im trying to put it right
Cause I want to love you with my heart
All this trying has made me tight
And I dont know even where to start

Maybe thats a start

Cause you know its a simple game
That you play filling up your head with rain
And you know you are hiding from your pain
In the way, in the way you say your name

And I see you
Hiding your face in your hands
Flying so you wont land
You think no one understands
No one understands

So you hunch your shoulders and you shake your head
And your throat is aching but you swear
No one hurts you, nothing could be sad
Anyway youre not here enough to care

And youre so tired you dont sleep at night
As your heart is trying to mend
You keep it quiet but you think you might
Disappear before the end

And its strange that you cannot find
Any strength to even try
To find a voice to speak your mind
When you do, all you wanna do is cry

Well maybe you should cry

And I see you hiding your face in your hands
Talking bout far-away lands
You think no one understands
Listen to my hands

And all of this life
Moves around you
For all that you claim
Youre standing still
You are moving too
You are moving too
You are moving too
I will move you 

I love music. It brings out feelings I don't expose otherwise. But it doesn't make my battles go away.

I also love our church. It is so different than anything I've been a part of. Maybe because it's a church in a very different culture. Church in Denver is so different than church in Texas. Maybe because it's small and a more family feel. Whatever the reason, God has put us at Park Church in the perfect timing. We have been going through Hebrews and I love what I'm learning. God is telling me "Hey you! I'm here! This is all for my glory!" with every sermon. 

A few weeks ago it was with Hebrews 12:3 - "Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart". And 12:7 - Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son was not disciplined by his father?" And 12:12-13 - "Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet so that you may not be disabled".

Then the next week, Hebrews 12:14 - Make every effort to live in peace with all men and be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord".

And finally, this week. Hebrews 13:5 - "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' So we say with confidence 'The Lord is my helper! I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'".

So what am I trying to say? I'm saying that I so often forget that in the midst of all the gunfire of life, there is someone so much greater than me in control of it all. Someone who wants to fight my battles with me. Fight them for me. And sometimes, he even puts me smack in the middle of the battlefield to strengthen me. So while things might be overwhelming and hard, "He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted" - Job 5:9. And I'm choosing to trust that. And trust that he is the greatest warrior known. Bring on the battles.