It was almost exactly a year ago that we were first told she may not be healthy. We went into our 13 week ultrasound full of hope that this pregnancy would work, and then left our 13 week ultrasound full of anxiety, wondering what would come. About this time a year ago I shut down all hope of what my daughter would be like. I did not let myself dream of having a healthy baby. Of watching her grow and develop a personality. But that is exactly what we are doing today. We are watching her grow and become a sweet little person. I am amazed by that daily.
Eve decided in honor of her half birthday, she would show us she was a "big girl". In the last few weeks she started sitting up on her own, getting on her hands and knees and rocking back and forth, eating pureed foods, and drooling like crazy, with a tooth visible and nearly through! She is a bubbly, happy, talkative baby full of life, which happens to be her namesake (Eve means life - we chose that name for her when we were told she wouldn't live). She brings much enjoyment to our lives!
I feel like lately, its really setting in what we went through. How traumatic our pregnancy was (and the two years before it). I'm not sure if that is because I am starting to see the personality come out in our daughter, or if it's because we are nearing a year from the original Trisomy 18 and Triple X diagnosis, but I have been thinking about that crazy time a lot lately. I think about those "abnormalities" seen on early ultrasounds every day as I watch my baby grow. I think about the "rocker bottom feet" they saw as I watch her stand normally, strongly and bounce on Grant's knees. I think of those "clenched hands" as I watch her suck her thumb and bat at toys. She still prefers her hands in fists actually, something her pediatrician says is totally fine and normal. I think of her head and neck measurements being abnormal as I revel in how smart she is. I love watching her figure out new toys, how to open things or shut them, how to use a spoon. She recently started showing interest in everything she sees, and it is so fun to watch. I am so thankful that we decided to stay pregnant and give her a chance at life, and thankful that she is healthy and able to live that life to the fullest.
I know that some day, I will look at Eve and just see Eve, not see the crazy, painful story of bringing her into this world. Or maybe I won't. Maybe her miracle story will always be there. Either way, I am thankful for it in a way. I appreciate her every milestone so much more. I appreciate every minute I get with her. I am overwhelmed with gratitude that the Lord blessed her with us. And I am learning what it is to cast out fear and trust in God when I just don't have control. That alone is reason enough to be thankful. Having this baby is challenging, amazing, joyful beyond words, and completely refining. (Honestly, that description probably rings true to everyone who has had a baby!)
Happy half birthday little love! We are so thankful for you!