I have a confession to make. I had a minor (Grant might argue major!) "I miss home" breakdown yesterday. It all started with Whataburger. I was talking to my mom on the phone and she mentioned that she, my dad, and my sister (Meme) were going to Whataburger for dinner. And right then and there, driving home from work, I lost it. We're talking full on, all out cry fest to the point where I could hardly see the highway. When my mom inquired as to why I was bawling my eyes out and unable to catch my breath on the phone, what was my barely audible answer due to my uncontrollable sobbing?
"We don't have Whataburgers in Denver."
Ok, so I don't think my breakdown was simply because we don't have Whataburger. Although I miss Whataburger. I miss Bueno too. And Chick-fil-a (at least we have those, but the closest one is in Arvada - a 20 min drive away). I miss good fries, and super sized cokes, and I miss going for quick lunches just down the street on Greenville with Steph or Andrea or Kimberly on their days off in the middle of the week, when everyone else was at work. And I miss having days off in the middle of the week for those lunch trips and movie dates with those girls. And I miss my parents, and Meme, and being able to see family with a quick half an hour drive. I miss working on D8 and I miss my coworkers there and my transplant families. I miss 80 degree weather in April (it snowed yesterday again!) and surprisingly enough, I miss rain. It never rains here.
But after having my "I miss everything" moment (which was actually like three hours of off and on crying to which my sweet husband even had to stay home from his guys night with Austin to console me), I felt incredibly convicted. It reminded me of Michael's (our pastor here) sermon from Sunday, a sermon which totally pumped me up about living here and all it's potential to grow. Funny how that can change in a matter of 72 hours. Michael was talking about "the call" we have. The call to living for Christ he means, the responsibility of being in a relationship with Him. He talked about how the call was different, drastic, and developmental. And he talked about what being a Christian should really mean. It means living a life about God and His will first and foremost. I think what hit me the most in this sermon was his talking about Luke 14:25-26. This verse is something I feel like a lot of Christians don't understand, or choose to look over. It states:
"If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, even his own life, he cannot be my follower."
I feel so many who don't believe in Christ or who are looking for a reason to be angry at him could be appalled at this verse! How could a loving God call you to hate others? But Michael pointed out God wasn't calling us to hate others, nor disown those closest to us in our lives. What he means is to hate them comparatively. Meaning to know in comparison Christ and His will is above it all. To know that this life is fleeting. To know that God should have mastery over our lives, and we shouldn't look for that mastery in anyone or anything else. God wants us to live radically and fanatically for Him. He left His father and His perfect life in heaven to come save our lives on earth. So who am I to feel sorry for myself about leaving Whataburger, lunch with friends, and family close by to do His will for me here? And what an opportunity we have here to really make an impact for Christ, to be fanatical for Him in a mild mannered way, without being a fanatical pharisee. By this I mean the crazy people who protest on the street corners, condemning people to hell as they walk by. That is not the fanatical I want to be. What I want to be here is a friend to those who really need it, in a culture of people who are too busy living lives of adventure to care about their hurting or sick neighbor. I want to be an encouragement to others, I want to live in a way that people here really do want to know why I'm different, and I want to BE the church in a city where not as many go to church.
It's time to be (semi) ok without Whataburger. And without my mom and dad close by (unless they want to move here!! Fishing every wknd dad! Just saying...). And without my besties around the corner. There is a season for everything. And my hope is our season to be back in Texas will come someday again. But right now, we are to be in the crazy weather of CO, where I have ridiculous allergies, asthma issues, and the altitude makes me lightheaded. But also where I can drive thirty minutes in any direction and find a cool, outdoorsy adventure. Where I can get to know my husband so much better. Where I can make a difference in someone's life. While I can't promise I won't have another breakdown over something silly in the nearby future, I can know that our season is here, and here for a purpose.
And don't worry. I will definitely be having Whataburger during my next visit home. Probably during my every visit home.