Sunday, October 12, 2014

16 weeks

Yesterday, we saw her.

It was the first time we have seen her since her diagnosis. I know that was only two weeks ago, but boy has it has felt like an eternity. I had a lot of anxiety I must admit. We are trying to live every day with no expectations, to live trusting in God's plan for this. But I've learned no expectations doesn't mean no fear. I know that she could leave us at any time, that she could look different than normal ultrasounds, that she could start measuring behind or have major abnormalities. And I am afraid. Really more afraid of losing her than anything else.

But seconds into our ultrasound, fear was no longer what I was feeling. No, it was joy. Seeing her flip around and wiggle about and to see her little heart beating, it was joyful. Not because of a good report, although she measured behind, her heart rate was normal, one of her little hands was open and she had no clubfeet. But the joy came before we knew these things. the joy came because she was mine, and for now, she is alive.

We know that yesterday's happy ultrasound does not mean she is normal. It doesn't mean she will survive. DNA does not lie and it's too early to see her heart or brain, the two areas that will likely be the problem, and sometimes the "markers" for Trisomy 18 are not even seen on ultrasound. But we are thankful for the little joys we are learning to find in this pregnancy. And yesterday's ultrasound was definitely one of them. Eve Elaine, you bring us joy baby girl.

16 weeks pregnant

Eve Elaine: 16 weeks, 4 days

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