Sunday, October 12, 2014

What's in a name? 15 weeks

Trisomy 18:
The name doesn't seem so scary. But with it comes an error in cell division making our baby have three of the 18th chromosome and a long list of possible anomalies including mental retardation, heart defects, hearing impairment, organ dysfunction, low birth weight, slow growth, esophageal atresia and the list goes on and on. A lot of emotion comes with the name Trisomy 18. A lot of fear and anxiety and sadness comes with this name. A whole lot of unknown and trust in the Lord comes with this name.

This is the name we chose for our daughter. It means so much more to us than the three letters it holds. If you look up Eve, you will see that it means "life" or "living". This is why we chose it. This is our hope for our daughter. We want her to live. At first, this meant to me my single most prayed request over the last several weeks - please Lord let my daughter be healed and live. But I think as her diagnosis has sunk in, I want more than that. Yes, I still pray every day for Eve to live. For us to get some time with her on this earth no matter what that time looks like or how long it is. We pray we get to meet her alive. But I also want her to live metaphorically through me. I want her legacy to live, whether she gets to grow on earth or not. I want her lessons to live in me over time. I want to live better because she lived. And I want people to know she is already living, within me, as I carry her. We cannot deny she is alive. We have seen her alive in ultrasounds, heard her living heart beat, felt her move. She is already alive. And for that we are grateful.

I pray often that the Lord takes away the name Trisomy 18 from Eve. But if He doesn't, we still choose life for her. And we pray that her life is meaningful in whatever way He desires.  And we are proud to say that she is currently living.

1 comment:

  1. Wow Your story really hit home with me. I have a similar story. I have had 2 miscarriages found out in June that I was pregnant. My bloodwork showed that my hormone levels were low. I immediately went into panic mode. I was put on hormones for the first 14 weeks of my pregnancy. Every day I suffered wondering what was going to happen to my baby. My church group prayed to give me piece of mind and prayed for me and the baby. I continued to pray and my mind did ease. I had my ultrasound at 19 and a half weeks and I was so terrified to get bad news. ( my second miscarriage I found out I was miscarry ing when I had an ultrasound, so ultrasounds make me a nervous wreck) we saw the baby... She was so perfect. Moving around sucking her thumb. All her measurements were perfect. In the 56%. I couldn't have been happier and also was in shock. I was crying reading your story and relating. We also have another thing in common... My Baby Girl is Due Feb 14th 2015! :)