Sunday, October 12, 2014

A Winding Road - 14 weeks

If you saw my Facebook recently, then you saw my post of a quote from John Piper. I found this quote at the first of the year in the middle of a flooded house, a uterus surgery and a torn ACL. I clung to it then and must admit, while I have never read the book it came from, after months of this winding road, I still cling to the quote.

I know we are not guaranteed peace or happiness in life. I hate the "prosperity gospel" of the south for saying so. That is not what the bible promises. Not what Jesus came for. I know that the Lord refines us and we are given the chance to glorify Him throughout our trials and along our winding and troubled road. I just didn't know my winding road would have so many switchbacks and boulders and slippery curves all at once. That we would have so many trials and struggles all in the same year or two. And I could not have ever known this new one was coming.

You never think it will happen to you. Trouble starting a family? Not me - no one in my family has had that problem. A miscarriage? Nah - only 1 in 5 women have one. A miscarriage after seeing a healthy heartbeat? No way, less than 1% of women who see a healthy heartbeat on an ultrasound go on to miscarry. More than one miscarriage? Of course not - only 1% of women have more than one miscarriage at all. And this?....

What I have learned is that statistics never correlate with God's plan. And while I have no idea why, His plan for us is much different than our own once again. This third pregnancy, after surgery to fix some uterine problems that were causing our miscarriages, a completely unrelated issue has come about. At 15 weeks pregnant, our little girl was diagnosed with Trisomy 18. A girl. We are having a little girl, if the Lord allows us to have her. And if you ask me did I think this would happen? Absolutely not. 1 in 6000 births have Trisomy 18. 6000. And we had chromosome testing after our second miscarriage - we don't carry an increased risk for these problems. Our first two little ones were tested - they did not have chromosomal problems leading to their deaths. 1 in 6000. We seem to always go against the grain.

This is not what I envisioned for my little girl. I envisioned twirling in fancy dresses and running through fields picking wildfowers. Playing in the river downtown and learning to ski with her daddy. I envisioned boy craziness and prom dresses and a wedding someday. I envisioned a new best friend. Instead, I will have to say goodbye to my princess way too soon.

We pray we get the chance to see some of those things in this little girl. We pray for a miracle and truly believe in them. I see them at work in the hospital all the time. We pray for healing. We pray that we get to meet her. We pray for life. And if that is not the Lord's plan for her, then we pray that we glorify Him in how we handle all of this.

We have chosen to carry this through unto completion, whatever that looks like. I will literally carry this little girl along "switchback after switchback", through "the seemingly unknown trail through the mountains", until the Lord brings her home. Whenever that may be. We ask that you pray with us that she would be healed, that she would get the chance to have life and live it to the fullest. We ask that you would pray for us, that we would have peace and understanding as we are on this journey. Life truly is a miracle. We have seen that first hand while trying to create it.

"Life is a winding and troubled road. Switchback after switchback. And the point of biblical stories is to help us feel in our bones not just know in our heads that God is for us in all these strange turns. The life of the godly is not a straight line to glory but a dark and seemingly unknown trail through the mountains. There are rockslides and slippery curves and hairpin turns that make us go backward in order to go forward. But along this hazardous twisted road that doesn't let you see very far ahead and may even make you feel like you've been led to the edge of a cliff, God gives us encouragement and hope that all the perplexing turns in our lives are going somewhere good. Often when we think God is farthest from us or has even turned against us, the truth is that he is laying the foundation for greater happiness in our lives. God is plotting for our joy. He is plotting the course and managing the troubles with far reaching purposes for our good and for the glory of Jesus Christ. That is a sweet and bitter providence."
-John Piper

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